Sometimes repair isn’t the best solution
You’re not sure what happened. For years you and your friend bonded over the same things – you liked the same movies, music, food, activities… You never had a real argument. Neither of you ever cared too much for politics, so what gives? That’s what’s so weird. In the last few years suddenly everybody has an opinion about what’s going on in our country. And it’s not just light hearted observations; people are passionate and hard wired one way or the other. Division is greater than ever. Families and old friends find themselves at odds for the first time. You try to remain neutral when necessary, but you can’t help having your own set of principles from which you abide.
Up until now, you’ve only observed falling outs, really. You’ve seen them up close but haven’t personally been involved. Well, that’s changed, and over a stupid difference of opinion. Shouldn’t your long shared history together exempt you from having such disagreements? It’s painful – definitely uncomfortable – and even inconvenient. You depend on this person’s friendship. Well – what’s to be done about it? There are two possible outcomes – overcoming your differences or accepting them and moving on. The solution lies in realizing which is best for you.
After your blow out, you both need time to calm down. Keep your distance. If it was you that has decided to move on from someone, then do it. Don’t be ‘wishy-washy’ in your decision; it’s not fair to anyone. Making contact thereafter may only serve to cause more frustration (and confusion!), especially if you are forcing a response from them. You may only fuel resentment and anger, and that is never healthy. If you feel like you can’t control the urge to reach out, take a long walk first. Just keep going until you have a little inner peace. It works. Exercise is great for exorcising your demons. It clears your mind. If the urge is still great, follow your heart.
Keep yourself from dwelling on the matter. Don’t spin the whole ‘he said/she said’ routine around in your brain. At this point it doesn’t matter who ‘started it’, the point is it happened. Recognize the disagreement for what it was and give it some deep reflection. It shouldn’t be too hard to get to the root of the problem. And once you know the true cause of the debacle, your clarity should reveal the course of action that must be taken. You may finally be able to accept that not every relationship is going to be compatible. You can forgive each other, but that doesn’t mean you belong together.
There is no rhyme or reason, no fate or pre-determined destiny, as to who or what comes into your life. It’s a nice romantic belief that there is, but the preponderance of practicality outweighs it. There’s no question that certain people can be either good or bad for you. They can help you grow and encourage you to be a better person. Or they may be a bad influence. They can offer protection, or abuse you. But in the best cases, they listen. They care. And it’s those positive relationships that you should seek to sustain.
If it’s a matter of a personality conflict and no real ill-will, accept it and cherish what you had. Be thankful for all of the good times that you have shared. This is what you need to focus on as you move on. There is no longer reason to be preoccupied with their weaknesses, allow them their strengths. Be the bigger person and apologize. It’s not hard and the rewards are great. No festering feelings of negativity, no bad vibes, it’s like you’ve pressed the reset button with the knowledge that this is not a relationship that will work.
You depart on good terms. You’re both on to new chapters in your lives, and each book continues to be written. Maybe it’s just the timing that wasn’t right. You never know, but now a potential unexpected reunion down the line will not be marred by negative feelings as you took the time to resolve them.
It’s over and you have taken the higher road out. There’s no fault, only future.